Inviting Your Demons to Tea

The following is a story from Tibetan Buddhism told by the wonderful Buddhist
teacher Pema Chodron.

Milarepa is one of the lineage holders of the Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.
He is one of the heroes, one of the brave ones and a very crazy, unusual fellow. He
was a loner who lived in caves by himself and meditated wholeheartedly for
years. He was extremely stubborn and determined. If he could not find anything
to eat for a couple of years, he just ate nettles and turned green, but he never
stopped practicing.
One evening, Milarepa returned to his cave after gathering firewood, only to find
it filled with demons. They were cooking his food, reading his books, and sleeping
in his bed. They had taken over the joint. He did not know how to get these guys
out of his cave! Even though he had a suspicion they were just a projection of his
own mind—all the unwanted parts of himself—he did not know how to get rid of
them.
Being a monk, he first tried to teach them the dharma. He sat on a seat that was
higher than they were and said things to them about how we are all one. He
talked about compassion, and how poison is medicine. Nothing happened. The
demons were still there.
Then he lost his patience and got very angry and ran at them. They just laughed
at him. Finally, he gave up and just sat down on the floor saying, “I am not going
away and it looks like you are not either, so let us just have tea.”
At that point, all of them left except one. Milarepa said “Oh, this one is
particularly vicious.” (We all know that one. Sometimes we have lots of them like
that. Sometimes we feel that is all we have.) He did not know what to do, so he
just surrendered himself even further. He walked over and put himself right into
the mouth of the demon and said, “Just eat me up, if you want to.”
Then that demon left, too. The moral of the story is, when the resistance is gone,
so are the demons.
1. This tale illustrates our need for courage, fearlessness and a willingness to be
present with whatever arises in our lives. To be curious rather than fearful about
what comes up, to actually embrace and get to know it intimately.
2. Fear is our usual response to our demons. Unfortunately, modern demons are
not easily instantly recognizable by their fangs and claws and bad smell. They
come in more subtle forms—unwanted feeling, thought or circumstances. We
want to get rid of them, so we resist them. An alternative approach, which can
yield interesting results is to say, “Eat me. I am yours. “
3. When a demon, such as an unwanted emotion like craving, anger, depression,
etc. arises, instead of an habitual response of acting it out or repressing it
(methods of trying to rid ourselves of the uncomfortable feeling), we can just sit
with the raw energy of the emotion—the raw energy under the story line—and get
to know it. Eventually, little by little, it begins to dissolve, so that when the
resistance is gone, so is the demon.

By Pema Chodron from Start Where You Are by Pema Chodron, Shambala
Publications